Ambalam
was young and robust and was in the army. He loved Roja, the little village
girl who just attained age. Whenever he came to his village for vacation, he
started pestering her parents about his wanting to marry her. Roja was
distantly related to him too. Though her parents had a soft corner for him,
they vacillated because of his occupation in the army and the big age gap
between them. Roja never revealed her mind. He had known her from the day she
was born. Ambalam was already thirteen when she was born. He had physically
helped her parents a lot during the delivery. When she was growing and
maturing, he had played with her almost every day. His initial tender affection
for Roja slowly turned into a kind of love for her. But when Roja attained age,
her parents gradually prevented her making contact with him. Knowing her and
her family so intimately, he never thought marrying Roja would be an issue.
Roja neither said ‘yes’ nor ‘no’ for the marriage. Ambalam thought she was still
a child and gave them more time to decide favorably. However Ambalam’s parents
were restless about his marriage, as he was already nearing thirty.
“I
am willing to wait for Roja.” He always answered. His parents too tried to
persuade Roja’s parents, but they were evasive about the marriage. Ambalam
always believed Roja was his girl.
But
when the news reached him that Roja had eloped with another villager Ponnan,
nearly of his age, Ambalam became furious and mad. He deserted his army job and
ran to his village. He felt all his dreams were shattered.
‘What
did Ponnan have that I didn’t have?’ This question rocked his mind. Roja’s
parents too were in great distress and admitted their mistake in not agreeing
to Ambalam marrying her. They knew where Roja was, though they themselves
didn’t get in touch with her. Ambalam gathered her whereabouts.
In his frenzy, he went after Roja and when he met her, she was in an intimate and
awkward union with Ponnan. Ambalam lost his mind, took out a small pistol that
he had stolen from the army and shot at Ponnan. It was early morning then.
Ambalam had no serious thoughts about what his action could bring to him. He
was full of rage and he was mad at Roja. He kneeled, pleaded and shouted at her
to come with him. Roja cried aloud. In the bedlam, neighbors had heard the
sounds, came rushing, dashed Ponnan to the hospital and he was just saved in
the nick of the moment. He survived, but not before his lower part of the body
completely paralyzed.
Ambalam
was arrested. Roja refused to give any clear witnessing statement to the police
and court. She never raised her accusing finger at Ambalam during the entire
proceedings.
And,
she was pregnant too. When she delivered the baby, she lived no more, leaving
the baby motherless. The little baby was taken away by Roja’s parents and was
growing in their custody.
Ambalam
spent his years in the jail like a lunatic. Ponnan was in the hospital for a
few years before he died one day. When Ambalam was finally released from the
jail early, due to his excellent conduct, he had already lost all his desires
for anything in life. Somehow, he never thought of ending his life. He
initially became a nomad and then a ‘sanyasin.’ He believed that something was
in store for him and he was looking for that moment. He lived on the meager
alms provided by those visiting the temple and never complained about anything
in life. He spoke very little. I was the only one with whom he ever had any
lengthy conversation in his ‘sanyasin’ life.
*****
As Ambalam slowly
completed his story to me, he asked me, “Now that you know my story – and you
are the only one to know - tell me, what can I do for you?”
I looked at him
understandingly. I believed I was nobody to judge whatever happened in his
life. He seemed to understand too. We remained silent for some time looking at
each other. The next question came involuntarily from me.
“Why do people beg in our
country?”
“Begging has a long
history. There was always a divide between those who have and those who don’t.
Earlier days generally, the kings used to take care of the most poor and
arranged for providing them food. They established choultries for this. Then, there are those who had relinquished
worldly pleasures and became ‘sanyasins’
(monks) and they always went for ‘biksha’.
Going for ‘biksha’ gave these monks a
sense of humility and gratitude. I have heard about Buddhist monks living on
alms and the most notable among them was Gautama Buddha himself. But only
somewhere in the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries, poverty rates went up
abnormally and begging became widely visible world over especially in Europe.
While I was in the army, I have heard about beggars in England and many other
European countries. In Far East, more particularly in countries having strong
roots of Buddhism, one could see householders going to temples every morning to
give alms to monks.
But in our country the
kind of begging that you most see and detest is of recent origin in the last
two centuries. It is a curse. Many poor people genuinely need help. But many have
taken begging as a profession, due to their laziness. It pays to be lazy now.
The people in power too seem to encourage keeping people poor. They constantly
feed the poor directly and indirectly and continue to keep them poor. Not much
is done to improve their economic condition. Every successive government seems
to be vying with each other trying to discover ways and means of giving away
freebies to people thus making them beggars all the time.
In many advanced countries
begging is banned and prohibited. But I have also heard about begging going on
in America. In New York and other big cities, in railway stations, road
junctions, I have heard of poor people playing musical instruments for tips.
Yes, begging is bad. But,
I have lost all desires in life and I beg only to keep this physical body
intact. That too, people come to me and I don’t go out begging.”
For the first time I saw
another side of Ambalam. His clarity and knowledge was quite amazing.
“I want to put an end to
begging.” I told him in simple terms.
“Quite a Himalayan task!
People need to change. You know something. Go to Punjab. You won’t see any
Punjabis begging. Punjabis –especially Sardarjis - as a clan are people with
much self-respect and self-esteem. If you can spot even one Sardar beggar in
our country I will give you a lakh of rupees.”
I agreed with him. “But,
why is it that in our State, we see beggars in every nook and corner?”
“The simple fact is, there
are very poor people. The government doesn’t help them and so they choose the
next best. They exploit our religious and spiritual sentiments. We believe, we
go to heaven when we feed poor. Then begging becomes an easy way of life. That
is why you find beggars in large numbers in front of temples. They prick the
conscience of the devotees at the temple.”
I recalled my meeting the
person begging at the Cheranmahadevi temple and his reply to my question.
I had never realized that
Ambalam could have such profound and in-depth understanding and wisdom.
Something flashed in my
mind for a moment and I saw myself closing my eyes. I was lost in thought for a
while. In my vision I saw Ambalam getting up from his sick bed and walking away
freely, smiling and waving his hands to me. I was startled and opened my eyes.
I became silent for a long time, looking straight into his eyes.
“What are you looking at?”
Ambalam asked, even as he tried to wink his eyes as though he was unable to
bear direct eye contact with me.
I didn’t answer and
continued to silently hold his hands. In the next few moments, Ambalam closed
his eyes and went to sleep without a further word. Radhika tiptoed behind me,
signaled to me to come out.
When we were outside the
small hut, I asked Radhika, “Would you have a problem if I stay here for a few
days and help Ambalam? Will I be a burden?”
“This is your place, Ayya. Please stay. It would be of great
help. I had been managing Ambalam without any male support for quite long.
Please stay.”
In the next three months,
Ambalam’s health changed dramatically and miraculously.
And one day, he walked
freely without any support. Lord Siva made that possible. After all, the lord
too needed support from humans to fulfill his mission.
*****
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